The Top 5 Worst Songs To Make Love To

Barry White, Marvin Gaye, The Baha Men, they're all artists who have made fortunes singing songs that people like to have sexual intercourse to. About the same number of people who like to read on the toilet also like to listen to music while they're having sex, that's a lot of people. It's not unusual to listen to music during sex, it's totally normal. That being said, you have to choose the right music otherwise it can make the situation even worse. Nothing is worse than the look on a woman's face when she hears the next track on your mixtape and it's a dud. Here are the top 5 worst songs to make love to from my own personal experience:


5). "Moonlight Sonata" by Ludwig van Beethoven

It's certainly a beautiful, classic piece of music, but the mood it sets ends up making people feel creeped out and scared especially when you're making locked eye contact with them.



4). "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio

Another great song, but the vibe it sets is just all wrong for romance. It's especially weird when you both start rapping along to the lyrics because it's such an iconic song that everyone knows the words to regardless of age or gender.


3). "Man on the Moon" by R.E.M.

It's a fun, playful tune you'd think would be great for intercourse, but for some reason women don't really want to have Jim Carrey's iconic portrayal of Andy Kaufman in their heads while you're plowing away. Maybe they're thinking about Tony Clifton, I don't know. I never stop to ask and once I'm done they're usually gone even before my 15 minutes is up.


2). "MMMBop" by Hanson

I guess it's always weird when you're having sex to a song played by people who were kids at the time. It's not technically illegal from what I've gathered, but it's still definitely not cool. I don't care how energetic it makes you and how much longer it makes you last, it's not worth the trouble and questionable morality violations. Still, I don't see as many people complain about when I'm boning to "The Jackson 5" or "The Patridge Family". Perhaps there's a mysterious statute of limitations there. If so, "MMMBop" may one day become acceptable sex music, but to this day it's still a fairly taboo choice.


1). "Macarena" by Los del Rio

Normally dance music is awesome to have sex to and the Macarena starts off strong, but once those two middle aged Mexican dudes start singing the hook it's just really not good at all. It turns your romantic evening into a game of figuring out whether she's laughing out of humor or fear. The only positives are the rhythm and is it has that part at the end of each chorus that goes "AIIIYEEE!!!" which is usually a nice cue for climax, but the negatives FAR outweigh the positives making the Macarena the absolute worst song to make love to.


There are loads of other songs you should never play during a romantic night in bed, but hopefully you can learn from my mistakes and avoid the extra awkwardness and social anguish these songs have caused me over the years.