3.07.2013

Who's Better?: Chicago Blackhawks Versus Miami Heat

With the Chicago Blackhawks' unbeaten streak now at 24 games and the Miami Heat's winning streak at 16, people are wondering what would happen if these two teams faced off against each other. Clearly the Blackhawks would win if it was a game of hockey and the Heat would win in basketball, so the only way to settle this properly would be in a street fight to the death.

The Miami Heat roster consists of 15 players with a combined weight of 3343 lbs while the Chicago Blackhawks have 23 players at a combined weight of 4647. That would make the Heat's average weight 222.87 and the Blackhawks' average weight 202.04. So per man, the Heat are bigger, but having eight extra guys is going to make a huge impact, even if two of them are goalies. Their average ages are 31.13 (Heat) and 27.65 (Blackhawks) so the Blackhawks have the youth advantage. What this will ultimately boil down to is the fact that hockey players are a lot physically tougher than basketball players. You can argue about the mental toughness aspect, but the indisputable fact is that hockey players go through much more physical pain and are used to fighting with their fists.

As it has been observed several times in the past, NBA players are very awkward when it comes to actually fighting each other. Most of the time, NBA fights de-evolve into slap fights with players flailing around with their skinny limbs, throwing poorly executed thin punches. Also their shins are usually skinny which would be an obvious target point for a hockey player in a real street fight. The x-factor in all of this is LeBron James. The Blackhawks might need at least two guys to incapacitate him if not more. Could that difference sway the battle in the Heat's favor?

After running these sequences in my state-of-the-art combat simulator the winner was...


President Obama meeting combatants prior to the Japanese Barbed Wire Death Match.

...The Chicago Blackhawks. The fighting prowess of the NHL Blackhawks combined with the sheer numbers advantage would result in their victory over the Miami Heat. I'm in no way bashing the Heat, but the there's no question that if this death match were to actually occur, the Blackhawks would.

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